Don’t be shy, send these to your crush(es). 🌹 Happy Valentine’s Day. xo
Image Description: Self-portrait of Kae, posing in her living room, holding herself closely while wearing a sheer black bralette and pair of baggy blue jeans.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my relationship with my body and self-image. In the present moment, I’m so proud and grateful it moves me in whatever way it still can but in the past, I disassociated and I’m only realizing it now. Moving and living in a body that no longer feels like mine is a helluva journey; I’m always having to relearn how to love myself with every noticeable change in ability because MD is progressive. Moreover, I’m still learning how to undo the damage of ableism, racism, neglect, and shame I had carried deep inside me all these years.
Lots to unpack here but I’m very excited to get reacquainted with me again. The real me. I want to feel alive in my skin. I want to be unapologetic. I want to rewrite the narrative I used to tell myself; more celebration and less comparison. This body is my forever home and it is valuable no matter what state it’s in. Self-acceptance has a healing ripple effect, and through thick and thin, I’ll continue to show up for as long as I can—for me, for you, for all of us.
P.s. I took advantage of the sun yesterday and took these self-portraits. Don’t underestimate the power of wearing a good undergarment to make you feel some type of way—idk how it works but it works. It's the little things. 😌
Image Description: Kae is sitting on a wooden stool, leaning on a black cane on her right side, her legs are extended towards the camera, taken against a yellow background in the studio. Photo by: @patrick.estebar
Today is our day, a day to be seen, heard, and celebrated. More than 1 billion people live with a #disability, and that’s more than okay. It doesn’t make us any less human—if anything, it makes us superhuman because we continue to rise and push through all the daily challenges and barriers presented to us. We don’t give up. At some point in life, we will all experience a physical or mental disability, or both, whether it’s temporary or permanent, now or later—either way, it’s inevitable.
To my able-bodied friends: don’t wait until you’re disabled to become our ally. We can’t control when and how we experience our body’s limitations, but what we can control and do together is actively combat discrimination, advocate for our rights, and create an accessible and inclusive environment for people with disabilities.
Happy International Day of Persons with Disabilities to all the amazing humans fighting ableism and inaccessibility every day.
Lots of love,
k.
Having a disability comes with many challenges, and one of them is hair care. If you never see me “done up”, this is why: the space could be inaccessible, arranging transportation might not be possible, salon prices are way out of budget, etc; this is why I often end up compromising on my appearance and opting for a low maintenance lifestyle—not because I want to but bc I have to. There are so many things to consider before we can get our hair done.
Due to these barriers, I get a haircut/colour once a year. Inaccessibility tells me that disability and beauty can’t coexist. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice self-expression and self-care when we already have to do that in many other areas of our life, but with companies like Suntouched, we don’t have to!
I teamed up with Suntouched because I saw an opportunity for our chronically ill/disabled community to enjoy an accessible product. As someone who likes to lighten their hair, this product worked as a great salon substitute; it’s affordable and I can do it in the comfort of my own home. The spray nozzle was surprisingly easier to press down than most bottles, and it’s vegan, cruelty-free, and safe for all hair types! I wanted something subtle so I’ve only used it on 4 occasions, but you can go lighter until you reach your desired colour.
Use code: KAE10 to save 10% off your order. Happy hair day, my friends! x
Image description: Bottle of Suntouched sitting in the golden sun on a striped fabric background
Image description: A “before” selfie picture of Kae’s hair.
Image description: Picture of Kae’s hair results from using Suntouched.
Image Description: Selfie of Kae sitting on the floor during golden hour.
Coping with this disease ebbs and flows: no matter how much I actively surround myself with love and joy, do things that make me feel good, and give myself plenty of rest, I can still feel moments of temporary numbness and exhaustion; all part of the human experience, I suspect.
Our faith will naturally falter when there are additional contributing factors, i.e. hormone changes, S.A.D., stress, etc—but that’s life, isn’t it? Nothing is ever constant and nothing is permanent. We’re only here in the now, so it's best to take it all in stride, day by day.
Hugging myself a little harder as of late and not judging myself for having discouraging feelings. This too shall pass—and to everyone else: remember to exhale once in a while, will ya?
Love, k.
Image Description: Kae is suspended in a robotic treadmill training system Lokomat machine taking a selfie in the mirror.
For so long, I've always wanted to try something like this and felt frustrated Canada lacked in this department—but then I finally discovered there was a clinic @neurochangers in Toronto that offered this type of therapy. I was more than ecstatic to go. So far, this is the closest I'll ever get to living my exo-skeleton dreams. It felt unreal to be suspended and stable in my body since my diagnosis over a decade ago.
There are some moments in life you'll never forget, and this is one of them for me. Words can't even describe the joy I experienced, it was pure bliss. It's really just one of those things you'd have to try for yourself to know what I'm talking about. Although something like #MuscularDystrophy is said to be incurable, it doesn't mean we give up hope and curiosity—we never know what the future holds and what we're capable of ourselves. I really believe in this lifetime, there will be a cure for us—but for now, we beat our circumstances by how we live. Grateful for this technology and the people working hard on our behalf to help us live a more quality life. Here’s to hoping for more affordable and #accessible healthcare.
See more on my Instagram.
Note: Not a sponsored post. Paid with my own money. Please contact your local clinic for more information.
Image Description: Photograph of Kae’s hand holding a banana against a white wall, overlaid a solid mustard yellow background with Instagram username @lettereleven in the bottom left corner of image.
Every time I saw my neuromuscular specialist, I would get reminded that there was no cure for my disease. (Imagine hearing that every single time and knowing it still rings true today). I’d leave the clinic in low spirits, begrudgingly accepting the looming fate ahead of me—something I’m sure many patients do. I don't remember when the turning point for me was but I just remember I was tired of feeling like I was waiting around to die.
It wasn’t until sometime in my early 20’s that a series of events led me to change my relationship with food. Knowledge became my superpower, and the more I learned about nutrition and the human body, the more I no longer felt like a victim. My newfound health journey was powerful and transformative; it felt like a big F you to the disease. But damn, it wasn't easy. It took many, many years of unlearning, relearning, patience, and money to implement a new lifestyle. I think this is what they call self-love. I really had to kick my own ass if I ever wanted to beat the odds.
All of this is to say: I really like this evolved version of me, and I'm a better—and ironically—healthier person today because of #MuscularDystrophy. I’m now more in tune with a body I previously resented, and I actively get to reclaim my health—something I believed I forever lost control over. Today, optimizing health is non-negotiable for me because food is medicine, and you are what you eat—so take care of yourselves, you only get one life. x
![[Image Description]: Kae is sitting on the ground in her living room holding her black boot up, exposing the sole to the camera. She is leaning on her left arm for support as she looks into the camera. She is wearing a black CK sports bra, black high waisted work out shorts and white thigh high socks detailed with 3 black stripes at the top.](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/547296bee4b02c31572ec687/1633714362090-0MZ3ZRL031Q59AZG3VYI/35F65A51-DA67-4D51-B105-75E31550D5B4.JPG)
Image Description: Kae is sitting on the ground in her living room holding her black boot up, exposing the sole to the camera. She is leaning on her left arm for support as she looks into the camera. She is wearing a black CK sports bra, black high-waisted workout shorts and white thigh-high socks detailed with 3 black stripes at the top.
When people ask me what kind of exercises and stretches I do, I don’t know how to tell them that the panda is my inspiration for movement lol. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing but as long as I try to have fun with it and if my body allows me, I’m happy to be doing something. I don’t compare myself to anyone else’s progress or workouts, either. We all have our own unique milestones. My advice? Listen to your body and challenge yourself once in a while—you’ll be surprised to learn what you’re actually capable of. If there’s a will, there’s a way, remember that. And don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too. Happy Friday, my loves. x
#LifeWithMD #LetsEndMD #MuscularDystrophyAwareness #DisabilityVisibility #MindOverMatter #TheLittleThings
Note: See Instagram for full carousel post/visual experience.
Image Description: Kae is on the ground, leaning back with her legs extended towards the camera. She’s wearing a lime green top and black dress pants.
Happy #LimbGirdleMuscularDystrophy Awareness Day, my LGMD warriors. I’m wearing lime green today and thinking about all the amazing humans I know living with this rare disease, and how lucky we are to have each other in this lifetime 💚.
x
#StrongerTogether #LetsEndMD #MuscularDystrophyAwareness #FindACure #Community
Photo by: @patrick.estebar
Image description: Kae is sitting on the ground of a vintage-themed studio, reaching over to hold her feet, wearing a mesh see-through neon green top and black pants, with all her hair pushed to her right side, as she’s looking left at the camera from her side profile, 2021.
I’m most comfortable sitting on the ground—feel the safest here, too. Barefoot, anchored, and free to move with confidence; it makes me feel good. I get to forget about life’s limitations for a moment. It’s nice, it’s liberating—and it’s not often, so I’ll make the most of it by stretching anywhere, anytime I can because beating the odds means every little action adds up.
Although sometimes it can feel like I'm swimming against a current, sometimes I get fatigued and impatient and wonder if there's any point in my self-discipline. Will my conscious efforts lead me somewhere? I know present me is a fighter and I know future me will thank me but still, it can feel dim—but then I’ll recall the story of The Tortoise and the Hare and revert to hope and belief in potential/unknown. It’s a continuous polarizing dance but I have to see it through. ‘Slow change is lasting and the vision I hold for myself is obtainable’, I’ll remind myself, ‘everything in its time and season’.
All of this is to say: The best of you is yet to be—but only if you allow yourself to trust in the transformation, death, and rebirth of your evolution. Be patient and always be moving but move at your own pace. x
Love always,
K
Note: See Instagram for full carousel post/visual experience.
Image Description: Kae’s hand is holding a rooted pothos plant cutting against a white wall.
As above, so below; as within, so without. Root down to rise up, stay grounded, and stay loving. xx
Love always, k.
Image Description: cropped portrait of Kae holding a cane behind her back with a superimposed tattoo that says Disability Pride in gothic lettering, July 2021.
Experiencing a #disability and living with one is truly a gift. I won’t talk about the struggles, losses, and grievances that come with my disease in this post but I will say it’s given me invaluable perspective—and it continues to be my greatest teacher in life. Personally, I feel #DisabilityPride isn’t just about my identity; it’s about this amazing community I have the privilege of being a part of, and it makes me so damn proud of each and every single amazing, resilient, human being fighting for their life, equality, and justice. I get to witness everyone channeling every bit of passion and grit towards creating a better world and that is a powerful force to revel in. It’s unspoken. It’s unshakeable. It’s unmatched. We are a family. We take care of each other and I’m proud of us. Happy #DisabilityPrideMonth ♥️.
With love, K.
Image description: portrait of Kae sitting in the evening sun, wearing gold earrings by Monica Vinader and a black sarong tied like a dress, overlaid a photo of squeezed grapefruits on a cutting board.
Once l get my second wind and eat some fruit, it’s over for y’all but in the meantime, forever wearing my sarong and @monicavinader earrings to hold me over ✨. (See previous post to save 20% off a brand that is doing their part to protect our planet).
x
Image Description: Kae’s hand visibly wearing a Monica Vinader’s Deia Domed Ring in Silver, holding a packaged soap by SSSOAPS in the evening light against a blank wall.
These days it’s very important to me that anything I consume is ethical and sustainable. It’s not always within my control but being conscious of my buying practices is a good place to start; I try to buy from companies that put the planet and people first and support local if and when I can. Two things I’m in love with: my staple @monicavinader ring made with 100% recycled silver and this beautiful handmade @sssoaps.co bar made with natural ingredients (free of all animal products, palm oils, and synthetic fragrances). What kinds of questions are you asking yourself when you go shopping?
P.s. I have a personal code you can use to save 20% off purchases of full-priced items on Monica Vinader: US20RAFINSIDER-CF34.
Shop here.
Enjoy! x
Image Description: Cropped portrait photo of Kae from the nose down to her waist. She is wearing a red sheer bra, black dress pants and a black blazer draped over her shoulders, with one arm covering her breasts as she’s loosely reaching the opposite side of the blazer with her right hand. June 2021.
The relationship with self + body is a tumultuous journey when you’ve been dealt adverse cards in life. I’ve had to revisit what I mean to myself many times over; I’ve had to relearn how to experience the beauty of my spirit and make home within my bones. My vessel is constantly changing beyond control and instead of focusing on the fearful aspects of my diagnosis, I consciously choose to take ownership of my soul-needs.
Fighting for my life means more than just in the 3D—it also means tending to the simmering, sensual, creative energy pulsating deeply within; I make love to my entire being through awareness and gratitude. I’ll often ask myself, how intensely do I want to exist? How fully do I want to feel? How much play, joy, and love can I experience in each moment? It begins with mindset, exploring our own depths, and releasing anything that’s no longer in resonance with our spirit.
You can choose to linger in somber or rise up in love + adventure. For me, I want to keep dancing with divine life itself. I want to feel alive because I am not what happened to me, and tomorrow is never guaranteed. Life is a gift, and it’s our birthright to be here.
TLDR: don’t give up, don’t be afraid of taking up space & remember, you are worthy of all the things you desire. Life is a wild ride, enjoy it. xx
Mantra: I love myself. I love my mind. I love my body.
Hi, let’s talk food access/delivery services for #seniors + #PersonsWithDisabilities for a minute. Since going in-store is difficult and exhausting for me, I’ve always relied heavily on #delivery to “independently” get what I need. So, it makes sense to do the online thing but in reality, what I experience is a lack of accommodation despite leaving a specific note at checkout MEANT for these types of support requests. It’s infuriating when couriers are careless and ignores said note because I’m then left with packages/groceries I cannot get myself—defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it? Surely I’m not the only one who experiences this.
How is there still not a better system in place to ensure our needs get met, especially during a pandemic when we're further vulnerable? How about we really emphasize this area of the checkout page instead of it being an afterthought? We need to prioritize and standardize #inclusive design as it universally meets the needs of a wide range of people; whether it be a permanent, temporary, or situational disability—everybody wins.
Since these bigger companies are failing to truly consider our #UserExperience, I want to know if there any specialized services out there dedicated to servicing disableds and seniors? Lmk!
Image Description: Wide shot of Kae looking up at the shelf, standing in the middle of a grocery isle, with a red basket on the ground beside her.
Not sponsored but I use Instacart as one of the delivery services to order my groceries. Use code: KTRAN137A4.
Image Description: A bundle of scallions sitting in a jar beside a bag of rice, with white text highlighted in black that reads “#StopAsianHate” overlaid in the center of the image. 2021.
Despite being an English-speaking first-generation Canadian, I’ve experienced a lot of #racism and racial microaggressions in my life. Growing up in predominantly white cities made me feel embarrassed and ashamed for being Asian. I stood out amongst my peers which garnered negative attention for something I couldn’t help—my race and ethnicity. I’d get teased endlessly with stereotypical jokes and bc I felt inferior at that time, all I knew to do was to assimilate and laugh it off. I spent a lot of my youth trying to blend in, hoping to lessen the ridicule.
I will never forget when I first moved to Barrie, Ontario and I was thirteen years old; a couple of white girls welcomed me (unprovoked I should add) by doodling me in a grave, alongside a tombstone that read, “R.I.P. she choked on rice”, and a nearby speech bubble that said, “die b*tch!”. This particular experience stuck with me; it showed me very early on that racism can manifest in violent ways. There’s no denying it had malicious intent behind it, which I can only assume was learned behaviour. Barrie was also a city where I first learned the word, “chink”.
Today, more than ever I am extremely proud to be Asian, and it hurts to learn more each day that hate towards my people is increasing tenfold. We can always do better and be better, people. Let’s rise above this. #StopAsianHate #StandForAsians #RespectYourElders
Image Description: Self-portrait of Kae staring into the camera, holding a book in her lap while sitting with one knee up, in front of a floor-to-ceiling condo window. The sun is casting a lens flare and warm glow behind her. 2021.
Hi. Did you know the amount of time it takes for a single trip around the sun is called a period of revolution? I’m welcoming entering my 30’s with a lot more self-assurance, self-discipline, and self-love. It hasn’t been an easy journey but I’m proud of who I’m continuously becoming. Bettering yourself takes time, reconnecting with your true self takes time, and loving yourself takes time; self-evolution is indefinite. I read somewhere: “dying is easy, it’s living that’s hard” and that stuck with me. Personal growth and development is so vital because we not only get to live the quality life we desire, but we have an overflowing abundance to give towards others...thus creating and experiencing more authenticity, meaning, and joy together! Life is wild, crazy, messy, and beautiful—and it’s short—so let’s live with more courage in our hearts and move forward with purpose. I’m grateful for each and every one of you I’ve crossed paths and formed connections with. You know who you are. Sending everyone lots of love and light.
- k
P.s. It’s in my best interest to not answer any emails today. You understand. ;)
Image Description: photo of me from behind, with my arms up washing my long hair in the shower. 2020.
Every time I take a shower, I think about how grateful I am to still be able to—for the most part—independently bathe myself; it’s an everyday action that we take for granted. Understandably, we don’t think much about until it becomes troublesome or next to impossible. i.e. injury, illness, etc. Shower time is private time and when that privacy is stripped away, you are left feeling especially vulnerable and helpless. Your cleanliness is dependent on someone else or completely dismissed altogether. To illustrate the gravity of this, I will openly admit I’ve gone days without showering somewhere because a bathroom/shower wasn’t #accessible to me. It’s a real f*cking bummer, and it deeply shows me cleanliness is a luxury, not a necessity.
Adding another layer to this, disabled/chronically-ill people have to be comfortable with being naked in front of someone they may/may not know well at all. It takes serious courage to not only accept but to trust that the person helping won’t take advantage. We have to learn to embrace being exposed in such a way. On the flip side, this allows us to develop the continuous strength and resilience that is needed to face these never-ending adversities. Essentially, our confidence resides in being able to laugh naked—both quite literally and figuratively—at life’s curveballs ;)
TLDR: Being comfortable naked is a superpower differently-abled people possess, showers are sacred, vulnerability is a strength, and please take extra care of your personal hygiene, ya filthy animals.
Image Description: Me marvelling at how small we are on this planet, somewhere in the middle a garden in BC, circa 2018.
Today is International Day of Persons with Disabilities! I used to believe my condition was my weakness, my deeply human flaw but it has ultimately been my greatest strength and teacher. It doesn’t define me but it is a part of my identity/journey. Since I’ve surrendered and stopped internalizing #ableism, I have been met with such wonderful opportunities and connections I never thought possible. I let life happen. I radically shifted and stepped into my power; life flowed with ease. I now embrace everything that I am and can be, and I’ve never felt more liberated…more alive. Being a part of this community means so much to me. Be unapologetically yourself, no matter your ability. Acknowledge every inch of your being because there is only one of you in this lifetime—and be kind to yourself. Be ever so kind and gentle with yourself. You are loved, deserving, and valued. And the word “disabled” is not a word we should fear or let hold us back from living.
To my able-bodied friends, it’s important to note that we are no different than you. We have dreams. We have goals. We have needs. We have wants. We have sexual desires. We have feelings. We have personalities. We have rights. We are human, too. Be our ally. Celebrate not just today but every day. Life is precious. Cheers to more compassion, love, and kindness, always. xx