29

Image Description: Photo of Kae at a restaurant, smiling and looking down at her birthday cake. Jan 2020.

Birthdays are usually a weird time for me. There’s this innate expectation (and obligation) to celebrate you—and sometimes it can feel superficial. I know we know it’s our day but do we truly understand what it means to be celebrated? In no way am I saying I’m ungrateful for each passing year but what i think I’m trying to describe is this feeling of being subconsciously numb. It’s like no amount of attention and birthday wishes can ignite your being alive.

But you know, this birthday hit different. Aging makes us all a little nervous and more grateful to be here but for me, aging along with a muscle-wasting disease is next level nerve-wracking and a force to be reckoned with. My life is a very time-sensitive situation. Things move really fast and slow at the same time: fast because one moment I’m able to lift a cup to my mouth and the next moment I’m unable to lift my arms up to tie my hair. Slow because I’m forced to physically slow down and take up more time to do simple, mundane tasks but hidden within that is the gift of presence. I’m a much more mindful, grateful and present person that lives day-to-day, moment-to-moment and my heart only gets fuller and fuller because I don’t take anything for granted. Life really is so precious.

For those who’ve asked how I remain positive: I work at it everyday to find and hold onto that perspective—and I always want more for myself. When you have to fight for yourself everyday, and go after living a better life than you’ve been dealt, birthdays will finally make sense. 29 was a really special birthday. I was surrounded by the ones that not only wanted to celebrate me but they are also ones I choose to share my heart, growth and authentic self with.

Thanks for all the birthday love near and far, I feel connected inside and out. ♥️

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